


Moments in Time:  First night after Trial Ends.

by Iggywiggy



Series: Moments in Time [1]
Category: Emmerdale Robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 23:58:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6775603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iggywiggy/pseuds/Iggywiggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron and Robert share the evening and a lot of truths with each other on the night Gordon's trial ended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moments in Time:  First night after Trial Ends.

They go back into the pub. It may be spring, but it's getting a bit chilly outside and after the emotion of the day, seeing Gordon go down, Aaron's feeling it. 

He lets Robert lead him into a booth and sits there waiting as Robert is served by Aaron's mum Chas. He looks over and is relieved to see they are talking quietly and with no hostility. He can't hear what they're saying but presumes it's about him. He's just glad that his Mum seems to be coming around to Robert; maybe it's because she senses what he's yet to tell her - that they're back together. Or maybe it's just that she realises now, same as Aaron has, that Robert truly does love him. 

Whatever the reason, he's glad for it. They're the two people he loves most in the world and he needs for them to get on. 

Now more than ever. 

Now that he's decided to open himself up fully to Robert, he needs his Mum to accept and support his choice. He wants her to figure large in his life going forward, and as his life will now include Robert, he needs for her to welcome him into her life too. It looks like she's trying, and he knows Robert is. 

Knowing that brings a small smile to his lips. Even today, as emotional as he's been, and after the tears he has shed, the thought that Robert came through for him in the end warms him from the inside out. The feeling bubbles up inside him like a small fountain of happiness that erupts upwards and shows on his face as his smile grows bigger. 

Maybe, he thinks, he will do as Robert has asked. Maybe he will give happiness a try. 

At that moment, as he resolves to do just that, Robert turns towards him, finished at the bar. Seeing Aaron's face he momentarily freezes, their pints still in his hands, as he stands there, shock still, staring back at Aaron. It's almost like time itself has stopped. 

Slowly, slowly, Robert's face seems to light up from the inside too. A subtle glow blooms in his eyes, and suddenly they're both just... looking at each other- almost in awe. They're surrounded by other people, but see no one but each other, and that's when Aaron knows. 

He knows he'll never have a better chance at happiness than this one. 

He knows he'll never have a man like this one again: An imperfect man, but a man who knows him warts an' all, a man who completes him, a man whose gaze still thrills him - a man he finally believes loves him back ...and a man he thinks, he really CAN rely on now. 

In that moment he wants to be alone with Robert so badly. 

So much so, that he can actually taste the flavour of his want in his mouth. He thinks Robert may be feeling it too because his own gaze seems to intensify and Aaron feels himself pinned in place by the power of it. 

Robert's face has always been expressive, but never more so than now. He always tells Aaron he knows him. Tells him, 'this is me you're talking to' when Aaron tries to hide behind his walls ...but Aaron can read Robert back just as clearly as he looks at him now, and as he does, he knows what it is that Robert wants. 

He knows, because it's what he wants himself. 

Aaron doesn't know how long this look between them has lasted, it may as well have been a lifetime for the revelations it's brought him, probably was only a few seconds though, but, however long it's been - it's been long enough for Chas to notice. She nudges Robert in the back and tells him, 'Get over there, Robert, love. If you're gonna make my son smile like that, I want you near him... and anyway....it'll stop you clogging up my bar!' 

With that the spell is broken, and that almost magical visual connection between them is severed....but it's changed them both. 

It's left it's mark. 

Aaron knows it. He can feel it in the electricity he feels tingling back and forth between them as Robert sits down. 

And he can't wait any longer. 

He's waited too long for this already. 

He feels like he's been waiting his whole LIFE for this feeling. 

What he feels is not puppy love and it's not infatuation - it's not first love and it's not duty - Aaron's been through all of that before - been dragged through the mill by it...but this? What he has now? This feels different to all of that which he's had before. This...this feels real. 

This feels to Aaron like.. real, mature, know it down to your bones love. 

Warts an' all Love. 

Angry words and forgiveness love.

The kind of love that feels so big it could last a lifetime...and he laughs, suddenly, at just how much he WANTS it! 

Just. Like. It. Is. 

Love with a man who challenges him in every way. A man who drives him nuts on some occasions, who exasperates him on others - but a man he no longer doubts loves him back with a love just as big as that which he's feeling himself. 

He knows that now. 

Yeah. He wants it ALL with Robert - and he wants it to start right now. 

He looks meaningfully into Robert eyes and then nods his head towards the back room of the pub. He gets up and leaves, sure in the knowledge that Robert will follow. From the corner of his eye he see's his Mum look at him open mouthed. She's been watching him and he knows she can see how he's feeling - he's sure it's written all over his face - but for once he doesn't care who knows. He doesn't want to hide what he feels for Robert any more and he hopes Robert feels the same. 

Aaron turns to her and gives her his trademark smile and wink. She mouths 'I love you son' at him and he feels that was her giving him her blessing. 

He loves her big in that moment too. 

He feels like he's almost floating above the ground as he passes through to the back room - floating on a cloud of possibilities. 

Unplanned and uncharted territory are what lie ahead of him, and he doesn't know where he's going to land when this cloud dissipates and he's back on solid ground again - back into the world of the everyday. He doesn't know what this new future, finally free from the burden of his secrets will look like, but he knows wherever it is, whatever it is, and however it is - Robert's going to be there in it with him. 

******************  
They reach the back room and Aaron walks over to the counter placing his untouched drink there. He turns to face Robert taking his drink from him too and placing it on the counter with his own. He's still in his court suit and Robert is in his leather jacket. Aaron puts his hands in his pockets and starts to slowly sway from side to side looking Robert in the eyes all the time as he does so. Robert says to him.. 'I thought you wanted another pint?' Aaron carries on swaying then purses his lips, nods slightly and playfully answers.. 'well.. I can change my mind can't I?' 

Recognition flares in Robert's eyes as he starts to smile and slowly sway himself. They both stay in that motion for a few seconds just smiling at each other. Aaron looks at the beautiful man in front of him then ducks his head slightly in his usual way and says to Robert .. 'Soooo, .. you going home?' Elation is clear on Roberts face as he too re-enacts the remembered moment and answers 'No.' 

Aaron's enjoying the game now. Sexual attraction, lust, love, and affection all swarm in his belly as he moves forward backing Robert into the worktop - he slowly grabs Robert's lapels and looks deep into his eyes, he presses their bodies together - groin to groin, and breathes heavily looking down at Robert's full, sensuous mouth; he knows that Robert knows what's coming next, as in a role reversal he says.. 'Upstairs ...NOW' 

Instead of releasing Robert however, he closes the gap between their mouths and kisses him instead, open mouthed but gentle. He's not playing now, he's just giving in to the moment and he wants the kiss to convey to Robert all that he feels for him. 

Not a rushed, violent or lust driven meeting of mouths like the first time those words were said.. but a slow, tender, leisurely kiss, full of the deep love he now feels. 

Robert's hands gently cradle his face and Aaron breaks the kiss then to look into Robert's eyes. Robert tries to speak, but Aaron raises a finger to his lips and repeats his request, gently this time, whispering, 'Upstairs.. Now' .... and he takes Robert's hand into his as he leads the way. 

****************

They arrive in the room and Aaron closes the door behind them. He doesn't switch on the main light, choosing instead to plug in his two nightlights. He's had them since he came back to live with his Mum - she didn't know the reason he hated the dark so much then of course - but he's grown used to the pale glow they cast upon the room and he thinks it will be perfect for this night with Robert. 

He wants Robert to stay. 

He doesn't ever want to sleep apart from him again. He hopes this is going to be the beginning of their new life together and he's hoping that Robert sees it the same way. 

Robert's seemed slightly stunned since they left the kitchen. Almost as though he can't believe what's happening, and for once, now that they've arrived in the room, it's Robert who seems nervous. 

Aaron walks towards him slowly. He stops in front of him and looks up into Robert's beautiful eyes. He softly whispers, 'I love you Robert' and watches as Robert registers what he's just heard. 

Robert lets out a gust of air, as though he'd been holding his breath; his shoulders lower, he closes his eyes and lowers his head to his chest, exhaling deeply again. After a moment he looks back up at Aaron and tells him he's been waiting so long to hear that - that he thought maybe he'd never hear it again. 

It takes Aaron a moment to realise Robert's eyes are filling with tears. He moves closer and takes Robert into his arms, then he leans back to look into Roberts eyes as he says, 'I'm sorry Robert, I'm sorry I made you wait.. but the truth is... I have always loved you. I never, ever stopped' 

Robert's tears are beginning to fall freely now, glistening in the pale light as he says, 'When you said you wished I'd died. I thought you meant it' Aaron holds him tighter and tells him 'No, Robert, I never meant it - I'd have died inside myself if you had - I was angry, I was hurt, and so I wanted to hurt you with those words. I never meant them. You know I always push the people I need and love the most away...and I've never needed or loved anyone the way I need and love you Robert - so I pushed you the hardest'. 

Robert's still reluctant to hold his eyes, lowering his head now to rest his chin on his chest. He seems so different now that they are up here together - now that the moment has come. It's not at all how Aaron imagined it was going to be. Panic is beginning to form in his belly. He's thinking how Robert's been so strong, so confident in his belief that they should be together - so what's going on here now? Why's he being like this . All... well.. Sad? As though it's too late or something...

Aaron's really starting to get worried now - what is it that's happening here? Has he got it wrong after all? Doesn't Robert want this as much as he does? Even though he's been saying he does? Was he just saying it to help Aaron get through the trial?

Aaron begins to doubt himself. He feels himself preparing to build his walls again...but something makes him change his mind. It's the newly found strength of belief that came to him in those moments they shared in the bar earlier, that Robert loves him just as much as he loves Robert. 

He can't let this be. He needs to know what's happening with Robert here - so he needs him to talk. Yeah, Aaron thinks to himself, be brave for once in your life, and let's try the talking thing. 

He releases his hold on Robert and places his fingers under Robert's chin. He says, in his calmest, gentlest voice, 'Look at me Robert ... talk to me...tell me exactly what you're feeling.' 

Robert tells him he doesn't know. Relief...Fear... Vulnerability?

He says, 'I'm scared Aaron. This is all I want. It's all I've ever wanted - and it makes me frightened because I've got my own walls Aaron, and I feel them tumbling down all around me now that I'm with you like this. I'm - I'm not used to showing my underbelly Aaron.. but.... well... its like I've wanted you to love me again for so long - that now we're here...I'm afraid of it. 

'I'm afraid that if I get to have you again, I mean REALLY get to have you.. and if I give all of myself back to you too....that I won't survive it if I lose it again like I did before..and, ...and, well I'm afraid that if you see the real me.. the weak one who believes underneath it all, that no one will ever love me just for myself, then I won't be enough for you...not when I'm not strong Robert anymore.. and I'm not strong Aaron. It's all a facade. 

I've got no one really Aaron. No one apart from Vic and Diane - and I have to share them with a brother who hates me...a brother who's always taken everyone and every thing I've ever loved away from me in the end...because they all end up liking HIM more than they like ME ...when they know.... the real me. I hurt people Aaron. I hurt you....I hurt Andy.. Katie died because of me, and I never meant to do any of it. All those things I said at the scrapyard? I never meant any of them either. I'd lost you, lost my life with Chrissy, so I did what I do best. I lashed out, caused pain and pretended I didn't care about any of it. 

But I did Aaron. I did care, and there weren't any other lads. There's never been anyone else for me but you, since the first time we kissed. I only wanted you..and I'd lost you. I'd lost everyone and every thing I had. So I lashed out and then....then someone tried to kill me.

I nearly DIED Aaron. I was shot and in a coma for weeks...and I feel like.. like nobody really cared either.... if I lived or died. 

No one cared Aaron ...and some even wished I WAS dead. When I came back to the village, no one was there to greet me and Vic as we got out of that cab. I almost wished I had died myself then. Everyone was telling me it was you who had shot me, and you told me you wished I had died. 

No one wanted me to come back Aaron. Not even you. 

....and I never really did come back. It's all been a facade since then. 

Robert Sugden really did die that night. I'm not the same as I was. I might look the same on the outside - but I'm not....and... underneath these clothes.. I don't even look the same any more. I'll carry the scars of how much someone hated me for the rest of my life. ...and it makes me ugly Aaron. 

You want to know what I feel..well .. I feel... ugly, unworthy, and unlovable. I'm not that hot, rich guy you fell in love with anymore and I'm not the strong rock I've been pretending to be either. I've been able to hold it together for you Aaron. Loving you.... wanting you back.... being strong for you... It's what has been keeping me together.. but now.. now.. well, I don't know what's happening Aaron. I should be dancing around.. I should be jumping up and down..... and ... I am! ...but I feel weak too. 

Weak and scared. 

Scared that the real me will send you running now that you've finally seen him. Now that I'm not what you expected me to be in this moment. I'm Scared that 'strong Robert' is who you've fallen in love with now...the same as 'rich Robert' was who you fell in love with before.. and... I know... I know that I'm not him Aaron. 

Not inside....not any more.....and look.. ' 

Robert opens his shirt and reveals an ugly scar on his chest.. 'Really *Look* at it Aaron - that's the mark of how much I'm hated.... by everybody really....and I'll carry that mark with me for the rest of my life....and it makes me ugly.. even to myself' 

Aaron is stunned. He's been silent the whole time Robert's been speaking - a horror growing inside him as he listened to his lover's pain. He'd had no idea Robert felt this vulnerable, and he realises suddenly, that no one, including him, has ever stopped to consider the psychological damage someone trying to KILL him must have had on Robert. 

He looks back on the things he said to Robert at the hospital, what he said to him at court. ..and he realises that Robert didn't deserve it. It wasn't him who had accused Aaron of shooting him - he'd been in a coma - and yes, he had nearly died. He'd had to recover alone too while sharing a house with the sister who loved him but also with Adam, her husband, Aaron's best friend, who'd made it blatantly obvious he didn't want him there. 

Aaron's heart breaks for Robert in that moment and he resolves to let Robert know just how much *he* loves him. How he does know the 'real' Robert already.. and how he's always been able to see glimpses of him behind Robert's facades - didn't Robert know that? 

Didn't he know that *this* Robert, the one who is here right now laying it all on the line for Aaron, is the only Robert he's ever really wanted or loved? 

Aaron knows he's got to make Robert understand and believe these things, and he knows he's got to get his words about it now right too. No mean feat for someone unused to speaking his feelings. But for Robert, he'll risk it. He knows Robert has opened up and put himself on the line for him here, he's dropped his walls, risked it all and shown his soft underbelly. Aaron wants to do the same. 

He's going to trust in what he believes. That Robert really does love him. 

He puts both his hands on Roberts face and uses his thumbs to gently wipe away the tears that have silently been falling from Robert's eyes as he's revealed his pain and uncertainty. He says, 'Look at me Robert'. He tells him he doesn't want rich Robert, he doesn't want strong Robert..he wants this Robert. The Robert here in this room with him right now. 

He tells him that he's been waiting too. Waiting so long for Robert to finally trust all of himself to him - he tells him 'You, the you that is with me in this room, right here, right now, YOU are the Robert Sugden I have wanted from the beginning, and this, (he takes one hand and places it palm down over Robert's scar) this is BEAUTIFUL to me Robert, because without THIS..I wouldn't have YOU. This is the mark of the operation that saved your life and brought you back to me, and it will NEVER be ugly to me - YOU will never be ugly to me, because I love you Robert Sugden - exactly as you are'. 

He's put everything into his words and hopes it's been enough to reassure Robert. 

Robert raises his own hand then and places it on the hand Aaron has on his cheek, holding Aaron's hand there, he turns his face into it, closes his eyes and kisses Aaron's palm. He turns his face back to Aaron, raises his other hand and then places them both so they cup Aaron's face as moves his head forward until they are pressed forehead to forehead. They both look into each others eyes as Robert tells Aaron 'Oh Aaron, I love you too - so, so much' They kiss then, and Aaron tastes the salt of Robert's tears on his lips. 

The kiss doesn't intensify as they stand there, neither of them wanting to change it from the innocent declaration of love that it is, so it stays just the gentle brushing of lips upon lips and it feels to Aaron like a releasing of all the tensions, fears and doubts between them. 

After a while, Aaron steps back, takes Robert's hand into his and says to him 'Will you stay here with me all night Robert? I don't want you to leave after.. after.. you know...we've been together... and go back to Vic's. I want you to stay here with me Robert. I want to wake up with you in the morning, and I want to go down together and have breakfast together and face the world. Together. Tomorrow and going forward from there. No more hiding, no more pretending - to ourselves as much as anyone else. 

I want it to be different this time. I want us to be what we are Robert. Two people who love each other and want to make a life together - and that's got to start somewhere, so it might as well be right here, and it might as well be right now. What do you say? ....Will you stay with me Robert?' 

Aaron holds his breath for Robert's answer, even now. Robert face seems to go lax for a moment as he closes his eyes and a gentle smile forms on his exhaled breath. 'Of course I'll stay' he says, 'and I won't let you down Aaron, no matter what happens tomorrow, no matter what anyone says. I want this too, and I'll tell the whole world if I have to, that you're the man I love and the man I want to be with - I won't be just acting strong anymore - I will be strong now because I know I've got you beside me, believing in me, ...and... loving me'. 

They stand there both just smiling and looking at each other for a second, then Aaron, with Robert's hands still in his, starts to walk slowly backwards to the bed. He turns them just in front of it, so that it's Robert's legs that come into contact with the mattress behind him. Aaron releases Robert's hands and puts his own hands on to Roberts shoulders. He gently exerts pressure to make Robert sit down on the bed, then moves his hands to Robert's face and kisses him gently. 

Aaron stands up then, removes his jacket, folding it neatly before putting it on the back of the chair that's within arms reach at his mirror console. He slips his shoes off, keeping his eyes locked on Robert's. Unhurriedly he undoes his trousers, pulling his shirt free as he begins to unbutton it. There are no words between them as Aaron undresses slowly and completely, then stands naked before Robert allowing his lover to look at him without shame or embarrassment. 

There was a time he would have felt embarrassed of his own scars. But not now. Now he see's them as his own survivor scars, and he thinks Robert feels the same. For the first time, he's fully confident about his body in front of Robert. He feels fully confident in Robert's love for him and the love he has for Robert - they're two imperfect men, but they've found something real and good between them. 

Still silent, Aaron reaches out his arms and slips Robert's jacket and unbuttoned shirt from his shoulders, he bends to remove Robert's shoes and socks, places them on the chair with his own clothes and places his hands back on Robert's shoulders pushing gently as he tells Robert to 'lie down'. As Robert does so, Aaron pauses, just to take a look at the gorgeous man lying there, visibly squirming with arousal now, his trousers tented as he lies back on Aaron's bed. Aaron thinks Robert like this, is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. 

With trembling fingers he undoes Robert's trousers and slides them and Robert's pants down and off his legs. Robert rises on his elbows and scoots up the bed as Aaron puts his hands and knees on the bed and crawls up and over him, stopping at Robert's chest to bend his head so that he can kiss and nuzzle Roberts scar. 

No more words are necessary between them then as they proceed to show each other just how much they are both loved and desired. 

**************************

Aaron wakes first. He's surprised that he slept at all - he was awake most of the night making love with Robert - but the exhaustion of the past few weeks must have caught up with him. He feels the weight of Robert's arm across him and lifts his head to look over his shoulder at the man he loves. Robert is still asleep..or at least, he has his eyes closed. Aaron remembers the first time he awoke like this back at the hotel, the first time they spent a night together, and he smiles at the memory but relishes the fact that this time, he has no qualms about turning over to look into the face of the man he loves. 

Robert's face creases into a smile and it seems he's been awake for at least the few seconds Aaron's been staring at him. He opens his eyes and says to Aaron 'If you're awake anyway, you may as well make yourself useful and come here and give me a cuddle' Robert raises his arm and lays on his back then, inviting Aaron into his chest. 

After a few silent minutes of him rubbing his hand over Robert's scar and nipples, Aaron with his head on Robert's shoulder says, 'Shall we go down for breakfast? I can hear Mum in the kitchen and we may as well start how we mean to go on - out and proud eh?' Robert with a gleam in his eye says, 'Well.. if we must - I was getting other ideas, but I suppose you're right. I think it's quite late already and I've got meetings this morning...although we better wait a minute before I'm fit for your mum's eyes' 

Aaron tells him he'll go downstairs while Robert washes up to pave the way with Chas. And so it is that Aaron is sitting at the breakfast table as Robert walks through the door buttoning up his shirt. Robert pauses for a moment when he see's Chas, who says to him, 'Morning! Yes, Robert you stayed over. That's fine because we're all grown ups around here... technically speaking' Aaron rescues Robert by talking about Liv to his Mum, allowing Robert to take a seat beside him at the breakfast table.... and soon the talk feels less forced and more natural. 

As Chas is preparing to leave the room, she puts a hand on the back of both Aaron and Robert's chairs and tells them that she thinks they should spend the day doing 'something nice - having some fun' then she leaves the room, leaving a stunned Robert behind her. Aaron looks at him and just winks. He's says to Robert rhetorically, 'Now that wasn't so hard was it?' 

Robert laughs in relief then says to Aaron, 'she's right you know, why don't we do a city break or something? I could book us up for a late booking and we could be on a plane by the weekend...maybe Barcelona?' 

As Aaron looks at Robert's hopeful face, he feels that now familiar burst of love growing inside of him again and says, 'Sounds good to me' and he realises it really does. It sounds so good because it FEELS so good. It feels like his heart has found what it's been searching for... a welcoming place to call home...and he's found it in Robert. He smiles his familiar little smile as he looks, bright eyed into Roberts eyes, and sees the mirroring glow of love burning within them. Robert says 'Aaron...you know..' but Aaron silences him by saying 'Yeah, I know' 

...and finally, he really does.


End file.
